It’s all-day long choices, it’s feeling the heat in the fire and still trusting, it’s stepping out on the waves when Jesus calls. It’s some no-joke, not for the faint-at-heart, get-back-up-after-you’ve-fallen laboring. The good news? We don’t have to do it alone.
The best analogy that was offered to me during those first few, dreadful weeks was that losing someone is like losing your leg. It’s never the same, but you learn how to hobble around. You still go on, but that leg will always be gone. It doesn’t quite “heal” the way that people sometimes describe time healing all things. Some days, it might even feel like you just lost it all over again. Yes, the tricky cycle of grief… how acquainted we’ve become.
I think at that moment, he saw in my eyes how deep it cut. As my lip trembled, I tried making out why I thought it bothered me so much. Tears welled up in my eyes before I could get much out, so I quickly looked away. I glanced over at the nearby pastries. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts. No mid-grocery shopping breakdowns today.
I don’t know what silly, unlikely thing you are believing God for, but friend, stand strong. He is FAITHFUL.
We pulled up to McLane Children’s Medical Center. It was a bit eerie driving up there in the wee hours of the morning. I’d consider myself a bit of an OG of the building. We’d had countless appointments there before… pulmonology, gastrointestinal, cardiology, nutrition, neurology…. but never at night… never to the emergency room. I slowly drove around the side of the building, to the the back where the emergency room was. Uncharted territory
To say these past few weeks were testing is an understatement. I had been on such a spiritual high for the most part that I almost forgot what it felt like to feel so low