Such a Time as This

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This year for Character Day at Sophia’s school, I pondered on which character that her unused Roman princess costume (from last year) could represent. I thought about digging out her book, The Princess and the Pea. It seemed to be the easiest option.

Something settled into my heart though when I thought of princess characters. My thoughts drifted to something recently prophesied over our family. This young lady, who weeks before spoke so passionately about what she saw for our life and Sophia’s purpose, had mentioned Esther from the Bible and going “before kings.” I remember feeling so filled after she spoke life into my heart that night and excited to share it with my husband. I eagerly told him how this young lady embodied God’s love so much that it was almost uncomfortable… but not in a bad way. It was just so much love oozing out of her in such a sweet, calm manner.

After going back and forth a bit, I decided the reoccurring thought had purpose, so Esther it would be. Although Esther is not just a character, but a part of true history, she was the “character” of choice this year. This “well, maybe” thought then soon transformed into a “well, of course” thought. Sophia’s journey, our journey, is indeed for such a time as this! A time when so many people are hopeless and fearful. A time when people find it easier to settle for disbelief, rather than dare to believe beyond reason. A time when people seek perfect circumstances before they think they can find their true joy and peace. Surely, Sophia’s life is for such a time as this!

Aren’t we all Esthers, though? Isn’t there something in each one of us that has the ability to rock the foundation of hopelessness and defeat? I truly do believe so.

So I encourage you to find your inner Esther today. Be bold. Be confident. Know that you are called to change this world for the better. Believe it. Believe it beyond reason. 🙂

Pushback on the Enemy

Where the enemy has tried to crush you… steal your dreams, kill your faith, destroy your destiny… turn it around on him. Spread hope, love, and faith ❤️❤️❤️

Today I choked up, going up the elevator at the S&W NICU. The same elevator that I went up way too many times, knowing Nicholas wasn’t there anymore and wondering if Sophia would make it through the night. That’s okay though because today, a little over 5 years later, I went and left flyers about healing at that same NICU. I prayed with a man, for his wife’s heart, down in the lobby. I went back to a place that the enemy tried to crush me and waved my victory flag. 

Make the enemy sorry that he dared to come after you, a child of the Most High God. Foolish him thought that the pain of our journey might make me mistaken about how GREAT our God is… it is in the depths of that pain that I have found how faithful our God is; that peace beyond understanding is not just a myth. In our quest for healing, I’ve found something even better. God’s overwhelming, everlasting LOVE. Everything else is just icing on the cake. Don’t settle for just a taste of the icing. Enjoy the cake!

#SpreadLove #ImpossibleDoesntExist #KilleenHealingRooms #NotTodaySatanNotEver #DelusionalFaith

When Life Gives You Lemons… Command Them, in Faith, to Be Peaches

When life gives you lemons… Command them, in faith, to be peaches.

That is the profound revelation I got today while changing Sophia’s diaper. I forget that it’s not “normal” to change a five-year-old’s diaper. I forget a lot of what is not normal in our lives, usually until we are in public.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading and YouTubing on divine healing lately and well… if you thought I was off my rocker before, you might really be concerned for me now. hehe And can I just say, my heart is bursting with goodness! Finding evidence of the truth that you already feel in your heart is so healing and so freeing. I couldn’t possible share EVERYTHING I’ve learned but here’s a few truths that have rocked my world in the best way:

  1. God is the giver of life. Satan is the one who comes to steal, kill, and destroy. (I know this is like a no-brainer, but it just truly sunk in lately)
  2. Circumstances do not change who God is. God is who He says He is. Question your circumstances, not Him.
  3. We literally are living with resurrection power inside. (Again, no-brainer, but when that really sinks in… whew! powerful.)
  4. Pursue Jesus. All the rest is done. He’s really the prize. (You can find miserable, “healthy” millionaires.)
  5. If the Bible doesn’t say it, don’t fill in the gaps with reasoning.

Okay, as I’m writing these, I just want to keep going… there’s just SO much my eyes are opening to and I really, really want to share it for those who might still be seeing short of what things really are.

So back to the whole commanding lemons to be peaches. The saying goes, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade,” right? I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but I am totally for positivity. 🙂 I know the power of perspective shifts and counting blessings.

There’s another side to that though… Yes, you make the best of your circumstances, but that is not the same for settling for circumstances that are not what God has called you to. I am very forward about what I believe, regarding Sophia. Yes, I absolutely KNOW she is 100% healed. Not like “better”, or “she can at least do more than what was expected.” 100% healed, doing ALL things normal. I get that many people think that I’m in denial or just hoping, but I’ve been in this battle before, just on a different battlefield. So, in the kindest way I can put it, others’ opinions hold no effect on my belief of Sophia’s healing. Anybody who saw Sophia on the breathing vent for all those months, and were around for the impossible-outlook doctor reports, may get it somewhat. I don’t necessarily expect them to fully though, because they didn’t feel what I felt so it took them seeing it to finally truly believe. That’s understandable though. They weren’t getting the crazy “knowing” that Sophia would breathe. I didn’t know exactly what I was feeling then either, but now I do.

The Holy Spirit was flooding my “knower” with truth beyond what my eyes could see.

The more I tuned into that, the better I could “hear” it. Now sometimes things still throw me off, but I KNOW what I feel. That’s that, whether people believe or not. I say all of this to say, that sometimes we have challenging circumstances that we will need to make the best of… God is there with us, smack-dab in the middle to remind us that our peace and joy are not based on those circumstances. Other times, we will have challenging circumstances that yes, will still require perspective-shifting muscles, but also require courageously knowing that those circumstances HAVE to go.

There is immense power in the name of Jesus and what His life, death, and resurrection gave us, simply through grace. I’m finding it more and more cray cray that we are POWERHOUSES walking around like helpless blessing-beggars. If you get to know who God is, not just know about Him, but truly start spending some QT with Him, you will start to get to know who you really are… and that is dangerous in the best kind of way. Know who you are! You are a force to be reckoned with, so let’s live everyday with that boldness burning in our hearts!

Next time the enemy rolls up on you with a bag of lemons, smile and command those lemons to be peaches, in the name of Jesus! Then watch as he trembles, seeing that you finally realized who you are and whose you are. ❤

I’ll Be Happy When…

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I quietly knelt by the bed, bringing my forehead to the floor. I intentionally muffled my cries, careful to not wake up Sophia, in the nearby crib, or Brian, deep asleep on the bed. I started to plead, but first… ask for forgiveness.

“I know, God. I know You tell us to walk by faith and not by sight, but I need something. Please forgive me for not just trusting You. You’ve shown Yourself faithful. I know. I know. I just… I just need something. I need to know that I heard you right…”

I’m not saying you can or can’t ask God to throw you a confirmation bone, but I knew in that moment, that He had already confirmed it in my spirit. More than once. God had already given me plenty of confirmation that when I began work that following month, I would not have the worry of Sophia choking on her nasal feeding tube. I knew exactly what He meant. It would completely be gone.

We had already spent five weeks in one of the top feeding clinics and, although we did make progress, we still were no where near getting rid of that feeding tube. It provided a means of nutrition for Sophia, keeping her growing… keeping her alive. Oh, but how I hated it. I hated that the tape covered, and would often rip skin off, her sweet little face. I hated that it made her choke constantly. I hated that it made her vomit most days. I hated that it brought looks of sympathy from onlookers. I hated that it got clogged. I hated that it was a leash to abnormal. I hated it. Yet, it was keeping her alive.

That night, God gave me the confirmation that I so desperately pleaded for. He also left me with some other insight.

You think it’ll be enough, but you’ll just start focusing on the next thing just as desperately.

Sure enough, the next month, four days before I started working again, Sophia’s feeding tube came out for the last time. Even with all the confirmation, I still struggled on whether to keep it out or not. I look back and wonder how I could possibly question it. It’s so different when you’re in it though, and the enemy is tackling you with fear, trying so hard to keep you from confidence in God’s promises.

It stayed out. Permanently.

I started work not having to worry about Sophia choking or vomiting from her feeding tube, exactly how God had revealed it to me. Sure enough, after I felt a little more confident about the feeding tube being out for good, I found myself whining about the next thing I “needed God to do.” I would later learn that God had already did it, everything I could possibly ask for Sophia’s health, and it wasn’t for me to beg, but for me to believe.

Lesson learned.

It will ALWAYS be something, if you let it. Your joy is in Him. Seriously. Wherever you are, whatever you might think you need for it to be better, you are wrong. He is what you need more of. Finding joy in your journey is what will free you from the “I’ll be happy when” syndrome.

Do you dream big? Good. Now, dream bigger. Blow that ceiling off of what your mind thinks is “possible” in this life…. but do not, I repeat, do NOT, let your joy live there. Your joy is here and now… during your financial struggle, during your troubled marriage, during your bout of depression, during your child on a ventilator… wherever you’re at. There is joy there because God is there.

Yes, hard moments or seasons can be challenging. That is absolutely okay to acknowledge that but don’t let your eyes rest there. Raise them up to who God is and what He says He has for you; who He says He is even IN the storm.

When I start to be plagued with any “I’ll be happy when…” thoughts, I interrupt with gratitude, listing the things that the enemy has so sneakily steered my eyes away from.

“Thank you, Lord, for _________… and _________…. and _________…. and _________…”

Then, focus on His word. It doesn’t have to be all the scriptures. Just take one or two. Google “scripture on ________.”

“Lord, Your Word says ____________…. and Your Word is truth. It doesn’t matter how it feels or how it looks. It only matters what You say and I believe it. Thank you that You promise ________…. I will keep that at the forefront of my mind, crushing all lies from the enemy.”

We have SO much power living inside of us and total access to our Holy Father, the Creator of this world. May we dare to unleash that in all of our situations, no matter the forecast.

 

Philippians 4:11-14 (NIV)

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.”

 

 

God lives in the NICU

Love, love, love this!
I just want to add, only because I know I’d wonder if I had only lost the one baby and didn’t get to take the other home….
He’s there in the agony of loss too. Right there, in it with you. Watch as he makes beauty from the ashes.

New Roots, Old wings

Show your ID, even though you’ve been there 100 times. Don’t forget to sign in.
Wash your hands for 3 minutes, all the way up to your elbows… don’t forget to clean under your nails
Put on your hospital gown.
Head to his bed.
You greet the nurse with a smile, you don’t have the strength to give. You strike up a conversation that, quite frankly,  you don’t feel like having.
Get his daily report. You know all the things he should have done, but couldn’t. All the things they want to see happen, but aren’t.
You watch her mouth moving, not hearing every word. You nod. The conversation finally ends. You sit down.
That God awful rocking chair.
It’s cold in the NICU, always cold.
You watch his monitor, see how he’s breathing.
You hear loud dinging. You know the sound.
It’s a ‘low sat’ alert.
You look back…

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Yesterday’s Giants

There are things in your life that you are currently living that, at one time, you were dreaming of, praying for, believing for. Continue to believe for bigger and better, but don’t forgot those things that have come. Never allow miracles that have come to fruition fade into your everyday ordinary.

#AllThings #NoMoreFeedingTube #NoMoreBreathingTube #NoMoreSeizures #MoreToCome #PrayerIsPowerful

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